Friends with benefits

For some people,

a "friends with benefits" arrangement is simply a way to release sexual frustration. For others, it offers sexual companionship and affection, without the time and energy involved in a more serious love relationship.

"Friends with benefits" defines the relationship as physical, with no romantic strings attached. Of course, all relationships have strings attached - but in this type of arrangement you can't always tell what they are. If you're trying to decide whether you can handle this kind of arrangement, ask yourself these five questions:

1. Am I being honest with myself?

Your reasons for choosing a "friends with benefits" relationship are your own - just make sure you really understand what they are. Are you sure you don't want commitment, or are you just saying that because your partner isn't looking for a commitment? Are you really too busy to date, or are you simply afraid of getting hurt?

2. Am I being honest with my partner?

If you want to be "friends with benefits," you have to be completely honest in communicating that to your partner. Don't say "things are complicated." Don't say "I don't know what I want." Don't say "I'm confused." Those are all lies. You know what you want, and it's not that complicated: sex without a relationship or much responsibility or accountability. So just say, "I want sex without a relationship."

3. Is my partner being honest?

Of course, being honest with yourself and your partner doesn't completely absolve you of responsibility. Even if you're honest and clear about your intentions, your partner may continue to hope that one day you'll change your mind and be open to a committed relationship. It's easy to let yourself off the hook by saying you were honest.

4. Am I healthy?

Some people choose "friends with benefits" situations because they want to enjoy sex without the STD dangers that come with casual sex. The logic is that your partner is a friend, so you'll feel safer knowing their sexual history. But this false sense of security may end up putting you at even greater risk. Because you "know" your partner, you might become less careful about using condoms and birth control - yet "friends with benefits" situations are rarely monogamous.

5. Am I happy?

At the end of the day, no one can tell you whether you can handle being "friends with benefits." The best you can do is enter the relationship with honest, realistic expectations and keep constant tabs on how you're feeling. Being "friends with benefits" won't feel like the magic of real love - but if you're honest with yourself and your partner, it might still help you to be happy in the here-and-now.